After many months of waiting and wondering regarding my Dad's cancer Mum, Aaron (my brother), and myself went to the Oncologist appointment on Monday. Dad was meant to come too but he was too sick to leave the house. We were basically told he has High Grade Neuroendocrine Cancer which is very fast growing. This is not related to the prostate cancer and they are not 100% sure where it has come from but they are suggesting that it has possibly come from the appendix. Anyway it has got to his Lungs, Liver, Ribs, Brain, Bones the works. They said he will probably only live for a few more weeks and that he probably won't make the new year. This explains why he has gone down hill so incredibly fast these past few weeks. He has gone from taking Arama to school each day three weeks ago to not being able to even talk, walk, eat etc. So we have all been on a very emotional roller coaster since then and it has been tough. HOWEVER, we have also had some beautiful tender moments together as a family and our faith in what we know has been strengthened more than ever before. Keith and I sat in bed the other night talking about how we have so so much. We may not have much in the way of worldly money and riches but we have our Faith in the Plan of Happiness that surely promises that we will be able to live eternally with God and our Loved ones.
Dad is not one to talk about his thoughts about such things and he is still struggling so much with the fact that he is dying. It is literally torture for him to think about leaving mum behind and not being able to do the things in life that he has always done and loves doing anymore. I have been praying that we will have some spiritual special moments as a family together so we are lifted up so that our burdens are lightened. I have also been waiting for the right moment to tell Dad that I know he will be okay on the other side until we meet up with him again one day. I have also been mindful of not wanting to upset him in the process though as he really doesn't want to talk about dying, I think he is never loosing hope of the fact that a miracle might happen or that perhaps this is just a bad dream.
Every day this week we have taken one of our kids to be with him one on one. Terina hadn't had her turn so last night we told her it was her turn. She did up a lovely card for him which I will take a photo of and stick on my blog soon. She wrote on it. "I love you Poppa, and I love how you always keep winning your bowls!" Keith and her went over as I had been there all day. He was in his room watching tv and mum and Aunty Colleen (his sister) were on his bed watching tv with him.
Terina Sat down with him on his bed and started giving him a 'Mirimiri' (rubbing him), and asking him, "Does that feel good Poppa?" He gave her the 'Thumbs up' sign. Then she said to him, "Poppa you know when you die, you are going to go to a better place!" He whispered to her, "Tell me about it please." She said, "You are going to be so happy there Poppa and you will meet your parents and your baby twin sisters who died just after they were born and all the cool singers in this world like Michael Jackson and Uncle Ricky." She then asked him if he would like a blessing and she said my dad will give you a blessing, she told him about a time when she was sick and her dad gave her a blessing and she got better. It was a real 'out of the mouth of babes' experience and she just said it how it was without worrying about how she said things she just shared from her heart what she really believed.
Keith and her were only gone for about half an hour and as soon as she came in the door she came running to me telling me everything that she said and everything that Poppa did. Keith told me that it was a totally magic moment. As a family we joined together in prayer and thanked Heavenly Father for our faith in him and his plan. What a blessing it is to truely believe in a sure Plan of Peace and Happiness that lasts forever not just for this life time.
Just before I got into bed I got this text from mum.
"Terina was amazing her little speech she made was just so from the heart. She was so sincere and beautiful. Aunty Colleen has sent all details to Ken she was so impressed by what she said especially when she said that it was okay if Poppa was going to die as he would be with the Heavenly Father and Michael Jackson and Uncle Ricky. What a gem! Lots of Aroha mum."
I have loved some of the sacred moments I have had with Dad these past few days. I love it how when he holds my hand he rubs it up and down with his fingers and he often squeezes my hand hard. It is so special how sometimes you don't need to say any words but you are still communicating.
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE MY DADDY FOR WHO HE IS AND FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE FOR ME!